Goodhearted people usually think they’re not good enough.
This is not necessarily a reflection of poor self-esteem, but can instead reflect a hunger to reach their potentials.
In this way, life will contain struggle one way or another, but the question becomes whether people will struggle for the right objectives.
Givers and takers each think that they do not have enough of what they want.
People who are more selfish focus on what they do not yet possess and think they need.
People who are more loving reflect that they might have given better of themselves in the past and fault themselves for it.
This is not a problem of shame; it is not about what others think.
It is about what Carl Jung referred to as the healthy variety of guilt.
Healthy guilt compares one’s capacity to one’s performance.
If I could have done better, I have the uneasy feeling that I should have done better.
Accordingly, response-ability yields responsibility.
The key to life progress is to harness the uneasiness into aiming higher.
I can move from noticing myself falling short, into comparing my greater potential, and finally into corrective action.
Of course, such progress increases both my potential and my future expectations of myself.
Too much dissatisfaction with your failings takes you away from the task of contributing your efforts to others.
Too much satisfaction with your personal gifts leads to complacency and a lazy way of life.
Accurate self-esteem includes the right balance of challenging yourself, as you need to do, but then getting back in the game.
[This excerpt is from a draft copy of my forthcoming book “The Recipe: Love Made Simple.”]
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