Do you think that thinking about the past is a waste of time, or perhaps that it is self-indulgent?

I often hear, as you may have, that “dwelling on the past” is a way of avoiding responsibility for the present.

Like many other examples of “pendulemia” avoiding versus dwelling on the past is a false dichotomy.

A potent alternative is awareness, sometimes called “mindfulness.”

Awareness is a more matter-of-fact recognition of the past:  where I was, what I learned, and how I protected myself.

This kind of focus on the past is surprisingly useful.

It can show us how our choices today may reflect what we had to do in the past, rather than what we would really prefer to do now.

Repeating old choices, without awareness, can be both frustrating and self-fulfilling of unwanted outcomes.

For example, an emotional wall of distance that lessened pain while growing up can today either keep me from those who love me or, worse, encourage me to pick people who cannot love me.

Instead, I recommend to “accept and except.”

In other words, I can accept the sense of  what I learned to do – if it were not the best strategy, I would not have learned it.

Having accepted myself, now I can look for exceptions.

The adult world is usually a lot bigger than the childhood world.

If you keep your eyes open, you will meet people with whom you do not have to protect yourself similarly.

Accept you; except them, and enjoy yourself.

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