Whether in a relationship, or in a career, or in developing yourself as a person, here is a guideline to keep in mind:
You usually will not achieve more than you would settle for.
It works this way because, when you find what you will settle for, you stop looking.
Just as you always find something in the last place you look, when you achieve you minimal requirement, you often don’t strive for more.
This sounds simple, maybe even obvious, but the practical implications are extensive.
For example, are you a single person in search of a loving partner with a goodhearted, giving nature in combination with a capable, competent spirit?
People like that exist, and one of them may looking for you, too.
Do you want a career that excites you, perhaps including some of the kinds of activities that you now do just for fun?
There are jobs like that, and harnessing your innate interests helps you find one.
Do you want a life in which you keep growing, no matter how busy you are?
You can have this too, if you don’t settle for less. Let’s expand on this one:
People are multidimensional, and each dimension provides an opportunity for self development.
If I count these aspects of a human being’s experience, I come up with six.
One of these is the spiritual (defined psychologically as an experience of self-transcendence, that is, connection to realities larger than ourselves).
Another is the intellectual (by which I mean the endeavors of the mind, such as philosophical, aesthetic, and conceptual analyses such as history and economics).
Another can be termed “the intrapersonal” (that is, developing psychological self-awareness).
We can develop ourselves interpersonally (socially), by improving the depth of our relationships.
We can also grow emotionally, by expanding our capacities to understand and manage our feelings, including the experience of joy.
In adulthood, we also can still grow in the physical dimension of our lives, either by learning new skills or other physical training.
In almost any circumstance it is possible for us to deepen our understanding and capacity in at least one of these dimensions.
In sum, being alive, wanting love, and needing to work for a livelihood all challenge people to choose: either settle or seek.
For various reasons, it can make sense to settle in some areas of life.
You do not have to grow in all dimensions in order to feel self-fulfilled.
At the same time, a feeling of aliveness arises from growing at any pace in any of these arenas.
You can seek, or you can settle . . . you have a choice.
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That was a good start for a week. I agree, that some things you might have to “settle” for, but that too can be an opportunity for growth. In surrendering to a situation, in choosing to surrender to a situation – we are opened to the opportunity to experience peace – a peace not dependent upon circumstances.
I like, Dr. RIck, how you define words , ie. “spirituality,” which has become an overly used, ill-defined term and also “intellectual”. I, for one, am hesitant and a bit unsure when I use both of those words.
One thing I do know, is that not settling may sometimes be uncomfortable, because I am either questioning or pushing myself to go beyond – in understanding of a situation, of another , of myself – or in my work – but it is in that urge to go beyond where I feel the most alive.
Thanks .
linda tucker
Thanks Linda. As always, a both thoughtful and thought-provoking comment. I suppose that, somewhere in the balance between the peaceful feeling of knowing where settling makes sense, on one hand, and the vivacity of stretching beyond the past in other areas, lies the path to a deeply rewarding life.
All the best,
Rick Blum